DERELICT


"Electives are posted.
No call back or complaints.
Once painted , cannot be delayed.
Walk on home."

Circling in circadian rhythms,
He sees the day in a downtrodden haze.
Brushing fingers against the walls,
Of hope, waiting for a change.

Opportunity knocks.
He smells the recycled air.
Creature of habit, he moves sideways.
With laboured breathing and sallow skin.

His imagination comes alive.
Suspicion's on the rise.
The devils in his ears,
Tells him what he never wants to hear.

Opportunity gone. Devils smile.
Perplexed man breathes a sigh.
Unknown to formality, he's unaware of his surroundings.
He sits down with his bowl tonight.

Caught in the sea of humanity,
He gropes at a passer by.
A sneer and a bark puts him in his place.
He sits down with his bowl again tonight.


Story of my life revisited. All this while waiting for that golden sparkle to break down from between the clouds and offer me the chance of redemption. None came. They all went through, in a single file. And I kept waiting. Expectantly. Drooling at the prospect of finding a new lease, whereas in my mind I knew there was none until I created my own hole out of my morbid trepidations.

Iron Maiden , in the song "The thin line between love and hate", say thus:
"When a person turns to wrong,
Is there a right to be, belong?
Part of things at every cost.
At what price a life is lost?

At what point do we begin?
Fighter's spirit, will to win.
And what makes a man decide?
To choose to wrong or righteous road?"

This is not one of their most famous songs, but I find a direct reference to this one in particular. What is the price at which we give ourselves up? Is it worth the payment due? And is the transaction, or whatever you call it, always legal as perceived my society? It is a highly complicated maze to traipse through I believe.

I have made a host of scary deals. I have made a flurry of insidious attempts at regaining my sanity in every mortal manner. And in the process, I have lost much to grieve for. The poem should be my epitaph if I am ever to be buried. For I am ever frightened of the oncoming winds. I want change, and I'm terrified of accepting it lest it be something that I am not expecting. I have listened to the demons in my mind far too long. It is time to let go and dream in light, and hold onto the single branch of faith that was offered to me yesterday.

Yes, I sit down with my bowl again tonight. Believing that the next night will usher in a gratifying change